And, then there was Autumn

Ta-da! Without warning it came. Through the slight flittering of falling leaves we, once again, bid Fall "hi". No, not a welcome. Not a good ridance either. Like aquantences that have nothing against one another other than the color of clothes that we wear, we recognize we know each other with a nod of our heads from across the room. We do not hate each other, Fall and I. We just cannot entirely enjoy each other either. Well, at least I can't. This is just how Autumn and I work. This is how it has always been with us.

We don't associate for months at a time. In fact I actually guard against her presences by bundling in fluffy and warm attire, by sitting with the family next to the fire and by cooking stew. Yes, stew. The kind of stew that is better the day after cooking and the sort of sweaters that make a person perspire while next to the fire. I'm sure Summer is okay with my and Fall's relationship. I hope Summer is okay with it. I hope I'm okay with it. After all, Summer and I have loved one another from the first time we met.

Fall brings with it routine. Maybe this is the reason for the nip in its wind. I thrive to create routine and yet Fall effortlessly brings it in its wake.

School has resumed for Ben and I. The kids resumed the second week in September. Es in 8th grade, Sam in 7th and the Twins in 5th. This year we added tackle football for Zach which included summer conditioning camps and seasons beginning in September. He and his team are now in the play-offs for champ title. HOLY COW! And this month Sam begins basketball. Yikes.

The week before the kids resumed school I was offered a job at PCC and we accepted. Three weeks after that Ben was in Denver for three days while the kids and I survived my first few days of school (CH 221 and BI 211 for a total of 10 credits). Then September came to a close a few days later.

Now, we are a few weeks from Thanksgiving, then Christmas. My midterms are next week with finals the second week in December. This term has been a kick in the balls (I can only imagine). I work 24 hours a week (a bit each day), go to school Mon., Tue., and Wed. night and also Tue., Wed., Thurs. day. Ben works more than 50 hours per week and is going to school FULL TIME. We are c.r.a.z.y. Then add in the kids' sports, music and school activities....no wonder Ben and I stay up late and get up early!

We are blessed. We have food. We have a home. We can vote. We can function as a unit and as individuals. We are grateful. This.is.AUTUMN. Maybe I have learned to love this season....maybe.

"This day belongs to the Lord. Let's celebrate and be glad today."

Ps 118:24 CEV

Summer classes are the easy bit

When I began this whole pursuit-of-a-degree thing I knew it would be difficult. However, I am certain I thought it would be easier than it has been. I began with a single class Sep. 2009. Then increased to 8 credits for both Winter and Spring 2010. I took MTH 95 that Summer and vowed never to take summer classes again. Continuing on, Fall 2010 was my first time FULL time term which continued with Winter 2011. During Spring and Summer 2011 I took a break to work full time and save for our house. I registered for full time Fall classes the day after singing papers on our home. Fall 2011 (Dean's list), Winter (Presidents list) and Spring (anticipating Presidents list as only two classes have posted final grades as of today) 2012 have all been full time. Because of this, I will be walking at commencement Spring 2013 (graduating Sep. with two Associate degrees), and transferring to PSU to begin the Fall 2013 there.

It would seem to some that the most difficult part is past. Uhhh, I feel differently. Though some challenges have dissipated, new challenges have taken the place of the old ones. For instance, as the kids have become older the home life has become less physically intense. This is great! Yet, since Ben is also in school and working full-time there are more issues with our schedule. Add this to the fact that my classes are increasing in complexity and difficulty and availability....and we have intense brain mapping going on ovah heeeer.

Fall scheduling attempts

The schedule of classes I need to take to

 be d.o.n.e. at PCC.

PSU's pre-requ's

This summer I will be taking MTH 111 and Geology 207 (I know! I vowed to avoid this, but I want my degree more than comfort). This Fall begins the intense push to the end. Fall 2012 to Spring 2013 I will be taking 14 credits each term that all include at least two labs in each term. This creates issues with scheduling. I am SO thankful the college posts the term schedule two weeks before registration! I need all those days to tweak the hours to match the plan. I KNOW it will all work out.

So, CHEERS to an easy, breezy Summer term and an uneventful Fall one!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

It's not about being perfect

it's about being perfectly matched. It's about growing and changing and allowing the other person to do the same. It's about crying together, saying what you feel and think and accepting that not everyone will think or feel the way you do at the that same moment. It's a little slice of eternity on earth. It's carrying each other through the rough spots. It's about laughter, late nights, early mornings and dates. It's about sharing dreams and planning goals. It's about sacrifice. It's about budgeting. It's about camping and making memories. It's about making our own traditions. It's about love and lets face it....it's about SEX!

HAPPY 14th ANNIVERSARY BABE!

All that Jazz

 SPRING BREAK is HERE! Below is what I would have posted if I would have had time during the term. =)

The Experiment. Materials needed: kid, photographer, peanut butter, candies, and opinions.

 I took my first biology class this term and fell in love. Biology in now my minor and education my major. This is a photo of "Horace". He is our resident red tailed hawk that was the star of one of my BI papers. I received an extra point due to him! Thanks Horace!

Snow day! The first was taken on our first late school day due to snow. The last was taken this Thursday 3.22.12. The kids got a pre-spring break treat!

 The boys helping Ben construct our backyard fort. The last one is of the Twins playing Connect Four on my phone. Gotta love those aps!

We defiantly needed this break from routine. Since Ben began full-time school again we have had another morph of our schedule. And we will have another morph as my term begins next Monday. Whew! I am glad that we are completing this process now and not when the kids are in high school!
If you are anticipating your break enjoy it! And if yours has already passed you by I hope it was wonderful.
HAPPY SPRING!

I knew my week was busy

But there were other people who had it busier.
A cool gal I'm getting to know had a rough week. She has lasik surgery on a Friday. A friend called to ask her for help. She needed someone to watch her daughter while she sat with her dad in the hospital. He was dying. I found out tonight that her friends dad died this week and the funeral was Saturday. Between the hospital and the funeral my friend visited a kid she knew that was in the hospital as well as helped some people who had come down with strep throat. Oh, and she has many animals she tends to as well as two kids. Golly.
So, when you think it's been a horrible, rotten, no good, low down day.....remember that it really could be worse.

When I thought my heart would break

There was nothing I could do. Her struggles I could only imagine. Though I have a great one, imagination does little to ease reality. Responsibilities at home, at school and at church pressing on this young heart. Trying to figure out who you are is difficult enough. Add newly protruding body parts and the unpredictable human chemicals called hormones and this is a recipe for.....what exactly?

The day was dark and stormy. I mean, it had been a long, hard day for me at work. It was evening. We were putting away the dinner items. The water was steaming as it rushed out of our kitchen faucet, and I was checking the kids' homework progress (or lack there of in some cases). Trudging up the stairs to check her work for the umpteenth time, I hoped for better news than before. Wondering why her work was so slow in coming forth, I asked why. She'd been texting instead of completing homework. NICE.

The remorse only came when I held my hand out for the phone. No words were needed. She knew. I knew. Knowing doesn't really help. Not unless you make a choice to back up the knowledge will change happen. As she walked away her phone screen illuminated with notification of a new text. Wondering, I slid it open and looked at the incoming message. This was our deal when she received the phone. Without warning, peering at texts and phone records by parents was a way we thought would help to ensure innocence would not be lost. Pfffts. Right.

The message was nasty. Filled with written words of filth and hurt. Gulping down the fear rising into my throat I selected the option to read her outgoing messages. These messages were doubly hurtful, nasty and full of four-letter-fowl-words. I must have selected the wrong folder. n.o.p.e.

Reality is an interesting concept. My reality will look, smell and taste different from your reality. My past memories and hurts as well as my joys will influence my perception of my reality. Yet, there still are high and poor quality choices to be made regardless of perceived reality. Truth is there. Waiting. Though sometimes truth slaps you upside your head and kicks you in the pants, it is necessary. This was not what I had planned for my reality that night.

So, I stood, bracing myself with the frame of my bathroom door jam. Reeling from the reek of the stench that had poured out of her. Through her fingertips. I began to see double, yet the tears stayed held.My tears needed to wait. There was a mission to be completed - questions to be answered. Maybe there was a reasonable explanation for this. I bet she fell during PE today. That's got to be it. She's fighting a concussion. She answered the questions I presented in an emotionless, forthright and professional manner. No apologies. No remorse. No....what? Reason or recognition. She was found guilty and she didn't seem to care. I walked out of her room, helpless and broken. The words exchanged were not tense. Nor were they elevated. We had both been calm. As I descended the stairs a realization hit me.

I was disappointed. In my daughter. The baby I dreamed and planned for. The toddler I instructed who's sparkling eyes held me in such esteem. The little girl who was sure she'd marry her daddy one day and broke her arm falling from a slide when she was five. Who over corrected her brothers and "policed" the house constantly. Those issues seemed very diminished compared to the current information. I prayed. Ben and I talked. We prayed. We cursed and pointed fingers at oursleves. In the end, there was still a confused girl waiting in her room. Waiting for the worst. Waiting to hear that we disapproved, that I was disappointed. That she was.not.worth.it.

I found myself walking back to her room an hour later. Instead of condemning her poor choice, I told her a story. The princess in the white dress story. She messed up her pretty dress and tried to fix it herself, but that just made the problem worse. She needed help. She needed love. She needed hope. She needed, redemption.

Really, this is what we all need, what we all CRAVE. We need hope. We need help. We need redemption. We were not meant to figure this life out on our own. To wash our used-to-be-pretty-white clothes takes more than one.

She knew better. She made a poor choice, and it didn't taste good deep down. She began to cry. Yes, there were consequences for her poor choices, but changes are evident. In the time since then disrespect has risen again and again. We have been learning how to deal with this new stage and we are all working together better than ever now. Today she is more dear to me that she was previous to this event. She has grown.....so have I. Who knew? ;-)

The road is bumpy and long sometimes. But we often fail to take a moment, pause, look behind us and see the beautiful vista. That really does make the, sometimes, vomits journey worth the pain and broken hearts.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: REJOICE! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything....." Philippians 4:4:6a