Well, well, well. Congratulations! If you are reading this then you either love me and my family oodles or you are an evil, stalker type person. I hope the former is true, other wise….have I mentioned that I have a black belt in karate???
Sometimes I forget that I have a right side to my brain. I am practiced at creating spreadsheets and efficiently extracting needed information from our systems database at work. When it comes to the colorful and creative tasks of making fliers and such, I stumble. I am VERY creative at producing results that save others time, money and resources (especially my departments). Why am I disclosing this, you ask? Neglectful behavior will either strengthen or weaken a being. For instance, neglecting a poor habit is a good idea and loosing touch with a high quality one is damaging. My efforts are to strengthen parts of my soul that I have neglected. And I LOVE writing.
Have you ever wondered about who you would have been if you were born at a different age in time, or in a different family or a different sex or…..in a different country? As a child, I would often spend time in front of the wood burning stove curiously imagining those ideas. What if I was a dog or a mom right now? What would my jobs be? What would I LOOK like?
Really, this is what we as humans do all the time. We are constantly making choices about who we will be tomorrow. Nothing is absent or removed from these choices and effects. Physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally I am choosing who I will be today. The choices I make now will impact my tomorrows (and they impact YOUR tomorrows). We are all connected. In fact, I heard that there is now 5 degrees of separation instead of 6 though the population of the world has increased.
Of course, there is the accounting for chance. Those seemingly random events or happenstance occurrences that appear to stand alone, unconnected to our choices. Disabilities and social class are a few. But are they really? Yes, I was born into a lower middle class home. That wasn't my choice. But I was someones choice. My parents choose to create me and keep me.
In each action taken during a regularly scheduled day, we meet and talk with people that are also unplanned in our schedules. We choose to care or ignore. Influence or shame. Judge or embrace. Exclude or include. Teach or condemn. These simple and caring choices change us and our communities.
This week my supervisor arrived to my space unannounced and asked if I knew where a specific person was. After chatting for a moment, she asked as she was leaving "Is there anything you need from me or anything I can do for you?" What??? You are VERY powerful and asking if you can serve….me? I thought that was my job, to serve you.
How about we focus on show-casing servanthood and love? Feed this habit. Be who you are and make hight quality choices that will produce the you you want to be tomorrow and beyond. Ignore the idea of chance and never take any conversation or meeting for granted. Sing. Love. Run. Choose. Be. Eat. LIVE.
Oh yeah, and pray. Always pray. Pray that God's love will move mountains. That our choices will cause others to see His love and joy. That our arms will be strong enough for the tasks at hand; for love to conquer all evil. That would be pretty neat to see.
Peace. Out.
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
It's April Already
A year ago: I've got to blog more, at least once a week.
A few weeks after that: I HATE that I have't posted on the blog. I need to make that a priority.
A few weeks after that: Wow, we have alot going on. No wonder I haven't had time to post on the blog! Good thing our schedules are calming down. I should FINALLY have time to blog this week!
Months after that: Should I even try to compose a post to blog? So many events have passed and many more loom ahead. Maybe I should just give it up?
Just now: *trying to log in* Uh-oh. Can a blog be deleted due to inactivity???? Oh no! And I finally have time to blog!
I know it's not quite April yet, but it sure feels like it. As fast as our schedules are speeding along, we can now just skip days and jump into a yet-to-occur one. No, it's not a new type of super power or technology, it is merely necessity.
This April is a busy one. Our calendar is already filled to overflowing. Excitement and uncertainty mark this time in our lives, like none before it. Or this is how it seems and feels at the moment.
Ben- begins a new position at his current company on Monday. This new position will require more long distance travel (long distance being southern Washington to central Oregon. Some of you may be stifling laughter at this description of travel. For us, this is a HUGE change). Right now, his bachelors program counselor crammed him into two overlapping classes. That will be done this next week-end. THANK GOD! So, he is working full-time and double timing school. It makes for some interesting schedule conflicts. Ben has just begin getting into cycling as a hobby.
Me- I still have a job (this became a potential issue when I had to interview for my own position and when funding became slight. Many co-workers are or will be receiving lay-off letters). My manager has encouraged my pursuit of a bachelors, so I have enrolled in CH222, again (I dropped this course last spring when Zach became ill and was in the hospital). So, I am working full-time and taking 5 credits. Our 5 raised garden beds will soon become a hive of activity as I have already begun starts and planted peas and lettuce.
Es- is in her last semester of her Freshman year. This year has brought challenges with certain teachers. She impresses me with her attitude. "Well, I am learning how to deal with difficult teachers"- I haven't told her that this will not be her last run in with such a prediciemnt. =) She decided to discontinue playing violin as a school activity, but still practices at home during the week. Her attitude and viewpoints catch me off guard and her hilarious comments cause much joy in our house.
Sam- in his last year of middle school. He is still playing violin as a school activity and loves to listen to music and read. He's been practicing his basketball form and is excited to be involved with that during his freshman year. Most shockingly, he is now 5'9'', size 10.5 shoe and is all arms and legs (he's only 13!). Sometimes I mistake him for his Dad when I just hear his voice.
Zach- recovered wonderfully from pneumonia and played football last Fall. He is in his first year of middle school and enjoys math the most. He is in his first year of band at school and plays the baratone. He loveslong walks on the beach (just checking to see if you're still with me!) anything to do with the outdoors and recently inherited Sam's old bike.
Joey- is in his first year of middle school and looks the most forward to Mr. Hays' class. This math teacher allows the kids to spend time in his class during the lunch periods to learn the algorithms of the Rubik's cube. Joe can now solve a messed cube in less than a minute. He likes anything to do with science and math and is also involved in band at school playing the trombone.
With everything we are involved with we tackle with determination and purpose. We get dirty completing jobs and having fun. But, isn't this is what life is about? Fulfilling purpose and cleaning up messes? At least that is what the fun and lasting bits to life are.
"God is the one who started this good work in you, and I am certain the he won't stop before it is complete on the day the Christ Jesus returns" Philippians 1:6 CEVD
So, expect another post from me in aweek month….who knows when!
A few weeks after that: I HATE that I have't posted on the blog. I need to make that a priority.
A few weeks after that: Wow, we have alot going on. No wonder I haven't had time to post on the blog! Good thing our schedules are calming down. I should FINALLY have time to blog this week!
Months after that: Should I even try to compose a post to blog? So many events have passed and many more loom ahead. Maybe I should just give it up?
Just now: *trying to log in* Uh-oh. Can a blog be deleted due to inactivity???? Oh no! And I finally have time to blog!
I know it's not quite April yet, but it sure feels like it. As fast as our schedules are speeding along, we can now just skip days and jump into a yet-to-occur one. No, it's not a new type of super power or technology, it is merely necessity.
This April is a busy one. Our calendar is already filled to overflowing. Excitement and uncertainty mark this time in our lives, like none before it. Or this is how it seems and feels at the moment.
Ben- begins a new position at his current company on Monday. This new position will require more long distance travel (long distance being southern Washington to central Oregon. Some of you may be stifling laughter at this description of travel. For us, this is a HUGE change). Right now, his bachelors program counselor crammed him into two overlapping classes. That will be done this next week-end. THANK GOD! So, he is working full-time and double timing school. It makes for some interesting schedule conflicts. Ben has just begin getting into cycling as a hobby.
Me- I still have a job (this became a potential issue when I had to interview for my own position and when funding became slight. Many co-workers are or will be receiving lay-off letters). My manager has encouraged my pursuit of a bachelors, so I have enrolled in CH222, again (I dropped this course last spring when Zach became ill and was in the hospital). So, I am working full-time and taking 5 credits. Our 5 raised garden beds will soon become a hive of activity as I have already begun starts and planted peas and lettuce.
Es- is in her last semester of her Freshman year. This year has brought challenges with certain teachers. She impresses me with her attitude. "Well, I am learning how to deal with difficult teachers"- I haven't told her that this will not be her last run in with such a prediciemnt. =) She decided to discontinue playing violin as a school activity, but still practices at home during the week. Her attitude and viewpoints catch me off guard and her hilarious comments cause much joy in our house.
Sam- in his last year of middle school. He is still playing violin as a school activity and loves to listen to music and read. He's been practicing his basketball form and is excited to be involved with that during his freshman year. Most shockingly, he is now 5'9'', size 10.5 shoe and is all arms and legs (he's only 13!). Sometimes I mistake him for his Dad when I just hear his voice.
Zach- recovered wonderfully from pneumonia and played football last Fall. He is in his first year of middle school and enjoys math the most. He is in his first year of band at school and plays the baratone. He loves
Joey- is in his first year of middle school and looks the most forward to Mr. Hays' class. This math teacher allows the kids to spend time in his class during the lunch periods to learn the algorithms of the Rubik's cube. Joe can now solve a messed cube in less than a minute. He likes anything to do with science and math and is also involved in band at school playing the trombone.
With everything we are involved with we tackle with determination and purpose. We get dirty completing jobs and having fun. But, isn't this is what life is about? Fulfilling purpose and cleaning up messes? At least that is what the fun and lasting bits to life are.
"God is the one who started this good work in you, and I am certain the he won't stop before it is complete on the day the Christ Jesus returns" Philippians 1:6 CEVD
So, expect another post from me in a
Thursday, September 19, 2013
The Speed of Life
I remember when the kids were younger and short half my height. We would treasure each milestone; each tooth lost and new skill acquired. "Mamma! Look what I can do!" was a common phrase spoken to me, to which I would respond "WOW! You amaze me!" or "Cool! Isn't that fun?!". Filling their emotional, spiritual, mental and physical tool boxes with equipment they would need has been Ben and my focus for over a decade. At times I would feel as if we were trying to push the tide out while it was on its way in. The word exasperating comes to mind as I think back.
Distinctly, I remember when Ben and I decided to avoid giving instructions on how to handle situations. We wanted the kids to begin figuring out their own options, even if those options were outrageous or of a lesser quality than we would have hoped for. That was heart wrenching and exciting to watch! I wanted to rescue my babies from the results of their poor choices. But reality bites. That is a lesson that is better learned when reality has the angelic tint of childhood in it because one this dress rehearsal for adulthood is over, the rescuing becomes more challenging....and more expensive. We chose to avoid a complete rescue, and instead we would ask if they wanted us to help them explore some options that could help them handle the situation.
Modern psychology touts its data and findings. I understand that a humans brain is still growing until about age 22 (in my case, I had delivered my first and was pregnant with my second by that age. Heh. It makes sense that I experienced a few mental lapses!). I understand the studies of the pre-teen and teenage brain functions being associated to the brain functions of the clinically insane. Yet, I believed better for my own kids. They, after all, were the exception to every rule and study. I failed to follow my thought process with the fact that they are human and that I am too.What a joy that statement is! Remembering that training is a process and that we make mistakes is a crucial bit to the whole picture.
Now our job is over half-way completed. Sis (14) has begun her first year of High School, Sam (13) his last of Middle School and Zach and Joe (11) their first year of Middle school. The largest life lessons have been taught and accepted and the training intense days have floated away to the land of photos taken and memories made. We are working our way out of the most precious job I have ever (and will ever) have; parenting.
To say that this journey has been nothing but sweetness would be a disservice. And, it would be a lie. The most disastrous days and also the most exhilarating ones have come to me from my offspring. As we have been walking through the beginning of this Fall school year my soul has had the pleasure of seeing the results of our labor. Each child responds to their stress differently, and expertly. Maybe I would have responded to the situation differently than they, but this is their mark to make, not mine. I am proud to be associated with these Large Humans that live in my house. They are mature, sweet, accepting, flexible, silly, innovative and caring. And we treasure these milestones just as much as we did when they were younger, maybe even more. What more could a woman ask for? N.o.t.h.i.n.g.
In the whole wide world, I have found no other process that produces a complete person from a philosophy. This parenting thing does just that. What a joy to be involved in their process!
"I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-4
Distinctly, I remember when Ben and I decided to avoid giving instructions on how to handle situations. We wanted the kids to begin figuring out their own options, even if those options were outrageous or of a lesser quality than we would have hoped for. That was heart wrenching and exciting to watch! I wanted to rescue my babies from the results of their poor choices. But reality bites. That is a lesson that is better learned when reality has the angelic tint of childhood in it because one this dress rehearsal for adulthood is over, the rescuing becomes more challenging....and more expensive. We chose to avoid a complete rescue, and instead we would ask if they wanted us to help them explore some options that could help them handle the situation.
Modern psychology touts its data and findings. I understand that a humans brain is still growing until about age 22 (in my case, I had delivered my first and was pregnant with my second by that age. Heh. It makes sense that I experienced a few mental lapses!). I understand the studies of the pre-teen and teenage brain functions being associated to the brain functions of the clinically insane. Yet, I believed better for my own kids. They, after all, were the exception to every rule and study. I failed to follow my thought process with the fact that they are human and that I am too.What a joy that statement is! Remembering that training is a process and that we make mistakes is a crucial bit to the whole picture.
Now our job is over half-way completed. Sis (14) has begun her first year of High School, Sam (13) his last of Middle School and Zach and Joe (11) their first year of Middle school. The largest life lessons have been taught and accepted and the training intense days have floated away to the land of photos taken and memories made. We are working our way out of the most precious job I have ever (and will ever) have; parenting.
To say that this journey has been nothing but sweetness would be a disservice. And, it would be a lie. The most disastrous days and also the most exhilarating ones have come to me from my offspring. As we have been walking through the beginning of this Fall school year my soul has had the pleasure of seeing the results of our labor. Each child responds to their stress differently, and expertly. Maybe I would have responded to the situation differently than they, but this is their mark to make, not mine. I am proud to be associated with these Large Humans that live in my house. They are mature, sweet, accepting, flexible, silly, innovative and caring. And we treasure these milestones just as much as we did when they were younger, maybe even more. What more could a woman ask for? N.o.t.h.i.n.g.
In the whole wide world, I have found no other process that produces a complete person from a philosophy. This parenting thing does just that. What a joy to be involved in their process!
"I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-4
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
And, then there was Autumn
Ta-da! Without warning it came. Through the slight flittering of falling leaves we, once again, bid Fall "hi". No, not a welcome. Not a good ridance either. Like aquantences that have nothing against one another other than the color of clothes that we wear, we recognize we know each other with a nod of our heads from across the room. We do not hate each other, Fall and I. We just cannot entirely enjoy each other either. Well, at least I can't. This is just how Autumn and I work. This is how it has always been with us.
We don't associate for months at a time. In fact I actually guard against her presences by bundling in fluffy and warm attire, by sitting with the family next to the fire and by cooking stew. Yes, stew. The kind of stew that is better the day after cooking and the sort of sweaters that make a person perspire while next to the fire. I'm sure Summer is okay with my and Fall's relationship. I hope Summer is okay with it. I hope I'm okay with it. After all, Summer and I have loved one another from the first time we met.
Fall brings with it routine. Maybe this is the reason for the nip in its wind. I thrive to create routine and yet Fall effortlessly brings it in its wake.
School has resumed for Ben and I. The kids resumed the second week in September. Es in 8th grade, Sam in 7th and the Twins in 5th. This year we added tackle football for Zach which included summer conditioning camps and seasons beginning in September. He and his team are now in the play-offs for champ title. HOLY COW! And this month Sam begins basketball. Yikes.
The week before the kids resumed school I was offered a job at PCC and we accepted. Three weeks after that Ben was in Denver for three days while the kids and I survived my first few days of school (CH 221 and BI 211 for a total of 10 credits). Then September came to a close a few days later.
Now, we are a few weeks from Thanksgiving, then Christmas. My midterms are next week with finals the second week in December. This term has been a kick in the balls (I can only imagine). I work 24 hours a week (a bit each day), go to school Mon., Tue., and Wed. night and also Tue., Wed., Thurs. day. Ben works more than 50 hours per week and is going to school FULL TIME. We are c.r.a.z.y. Then add in the kids' sports, music and school activities....no wonder Ben and I stay up late and get up early!
We are blessed. We have food. We have a home. We can vote. We can function as a unit and as individuals. We are grateful. This.is.AUTUMN. Maybe I have learned to love this season....maybe.
We don't associate for months at a time. In fact I actually guard against her presences by bundling in fluffy and warm attire, by sitting with the family next to the fire and by cooking stew. Yes, stew. The kind of stew that is better the day after cooking and the sort of sweaters that make a person perspire while next to the fire. I'm sure Summer is okay with my and Fall's relationship. I hope Summer is okay with it. I hope I'm okay with it. After all, Summer and I have loved one another from the first time we met.
Fall brings with it routine. Maybe this is the reason for the nip in its wind. I thrive to create routine and yet Fall effortlessly brings it in its wake.
School has resumed for Ben and I. The kids resumed the second week in September. Es in 8th grade, Sam in 7th and the Twins in 5th. This year we added tackle football for Zach which included summer conditioning camps and seasons beginning in September. He and his team are now in the play-offs for champ title. HOLY COW! And this month Sam begins basketball. Yikes.
The week before the kids resumed school I was offered a job at PCC and we accepted. Three weeks after that Ben was in Denver for three days while the kids and I survived my first few days of school (CH 221 and BI 211 for a total of 10 credits). Then September came to a close a few days later.
Now, we are a few weeks from Thanksgiving, then Christmas. My midterms are next week with finals the second week in December. This term has been a kick in the balls (I can only imagine). I work 24 hours a week (a bit each day), go to school Mon., Tue., and Wed. night and also Tue., Wed., Thurs. day. Ben works more than 50 hours per week and is going to school FULL TIME. We are c.r.a.z.y. Then add in the kids' sports, music and school activities....no wonder Ben and I stay up late and get up early!
We are blessed. We have food. We have a home. We can vote. We can function as a unit and as individuals. We are grateful. This.is.AUTUMN. Maybe I have learned to love this season....maybe.
"This day belongs to the Lord. Let's celebrate and be glad today."
Ps 118:24 CEV
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Summer classes are the easy bit
When I began this whole pursuit-of-a-degree thing I knew it would be difficult. However, I am certain I thought it would be easier than it has been. I began with a single class Sep. 2009. Then increased to 8 credits for both Winter and Spring 2010. I took MTH 95 that Summer and vowed never to take summer classes again. Continuing on, Fall 2010 was my first time FULL time term which continued with Winter 2011. During Spring and Summer 2011 I took a break to work full time and save for our house. I registered for full time Fall classes the day after singing papers on our home. Fall 2011 (Dean's list), Winter (Presidents list) and Spring (anticipating Presidents list as only two classes have posted final grades as of today) 2012 have all been full time. Because of this, I will be walking at commencement Spring 2013 (graduating Sep. with two Associate degrees), and transferring to PSU to begin the Fall 2013 there.
It would seem to some that the most difficult part is past. Uhhh, I feel differently. Though some challenges have dissipated, new challenges have taken the place of the old ones. For instance, as the kids have become older the home life has become less physically intense. This is great! Yet, since Ben is also in school and working full-time there are more issues with our schedule. Add this to the fact that my classes are increasing in complexity and difficulty and availability....and we have intense brain mapping going on ovah heeeer.
This summer I will be taking MTH 111 and Geology 207 (I know! I vowed to avoid this, but I want my degree more than comfort). This Fall begins the intense push to the end. Fall 2012 to Spring 2013 I will be taking 14 credits each term that all include at least two labs in each term. This creates issues with scheduling. I am SO thankful the college posts the term schedule two weeks before registration! I need all those days to tweak the hours to match the plan. I KNOW it will all work out.
So, CHEERS to an easy, breezy Summer term and an uneventful Fall one!
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20
It would seem to some that the most difficult part is past. Uhhh, I feel differently. Though some challenges have dissipated, new challenges have taken the place of the old ones. For instance, as the kids have become older the home life has become less physically intense. This is great! Yet, since Ben is also in school and working full-time there are more issues with our schedule. Add this to the fact that my classes are increasing in complexity and difficulty and availability....and we have intense brain mapping going on ovah heeeer.
Fall scheduling attempts
The schedule of classes I need to take to
be d.o.n.e. at PCC.
PSU's pre-requ's
This summer I will be taking MTH 111 and Geology 207 (I know! I vowed to avoid this, but I want my degree more than comfort). This Fall begins the intense push to the end. Fall 2012 to Spring 2013 I will be taking 14 credits each term that all include at least two labs in each term. This creates issues with scheduling. I am SO thankful the college posts the term schedule two weeks before registration! I need all those days to tweak the hours to match the plan. I KNOW it will all work out.
So, CHEERS to an easy, breezy Summer term and an uneventful Fall one!
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
It's not about being perfect
it's about being perfectly matched. It's about growing and changing and allowing the other person to do the same. It's about crying together, saying what you feel and think and accepting that not everyone will think or feel the way you do at the that same moment. It's a little slice of eternity on earth. It's carrying each other through the rough spots. It's about laughter, late nights, early mornings and dates. It's about sharing dreams and planning goals. It's about sacrifice. It's about budgeting. It's about camping and making memories. It's about making our own traditions. It's about love and lets face it....it's about SEX!
HAPPY 14th ANNIVERSARY BABE!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
All that Jazz
SPRING BREAK is HERE! Below is what I would have posted if I would have had time during the term. =)
The Experiment. Materials needed: kid, photographer, peanut butter, candies, and opinions.
I took my first biology class this term and fell in love. Biology in now my minor and education my major. This is a photo of "Horace". He is our resident red tailed hawk that was the star of one of my BI papers. I received an extra point due to him! Thanks Horace!
Snow day! The first was taken on our first late school day due to snow. The last was taken this Thursday 3.22.12. The kids got a pre-spring break treat!
The boys helping Ben construct our backyard fort. The last one is of the Twins playing Connect Four on my phone. Gotta love those aps!
We defiantly needed this break from routine. Since Ben began full-time school again we have had another morph of our schedule. And we will have another morph as my term begins next Monday. Whew! I am glad that we are completing this process now and not when the kids are in high school!
If you are anticipating your break enjoy it! And if yours has already passed you by I hope it was wonderful.
HAPPY SPRING!
The Experiment. Materials needed: kid, photographer, peanut butter, candies, and opinions.
I took my first biology class this term and fell in love. Biology in now my minor and education my major. This is a photo of "Horace". He is our resident red tailed hawk that was the star of one of my BI papers. I received an extra point due to him! Thanks Horace!
Snow day! The first was taken on our first late school day due to snow. The last was taken this Thursday 3.22.12. The kids got a pre-spring break treat!
The boys helping Ben construct our backyard fort. The last one is of the Twins playing Connect Four on my phone. Gotta love those aps!
We defiantly needed this break from routine. Since Ben began full-time school again we have had another morph of our schedule. And we will have another morph as my term begins next Monday. Whew! I am glad that we are completing this process now and not when the kids are in high school!
If you are anticipating your break enjoy it! And if yours has already passed you by I hope it was wonderful.
HAPPY SPRING!
Monday, February 13, 2012
I knew my week was busy
But there were other people who had it busier.
A cool gal I'm getting to know had a rough week. She has lasik surgery on a Friday. A friend called to ask her for help. She needed someone to watch her daughter while she sat with her dad in the hospital. He was dying. I found out tonight that her friends dad died this week and the funeral was Saturday. Between the hospital and the funeral my friend visited a kid she knew that was in the hospital as well as helped some people who had come down with strep throat. Oh, and she has many animals she tends to as well as two kids. Golly.
So, when you think it's been a horrible, rotten, no good, low down day.....remember that it really could be worse.
A cool gal I'm getting to know had a rough week. She has lasik surgery on a Friday. A friend called to ask her for help. She needed someone to watch her daughter while she sat with her dad in the hospital. He was dying. I found out tonight that her friends dad died this week and the funeral was Saturday. Between the hospital and the funeral my friend visited a kid she knew that was in the hospital as well as helped some people who had come down with strep throat. Oh, and she has many animals she tends to as well as two kids. Golly.
So, when you think it's been a horrible, rotten, no good, low down day.....remember that it really could be worse.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
When I thought my heart would break
There was nothing I could do. Her struggles I could only imagine. Though I have a great one, imagination does little to ease reality. Responsibilities at home, at school and at church pressing on this young heart. Trying to figure out who you are is difficult enough. Add newly protruding body parts and the unpredictable human chemicals called hormones and this is a recipe for.....what exactly?
The day was dark and stormy. I mean, it had been a long, hard day for me at work. It was evening. We were putting away the dinner items. The water was steaming as it rushed out of our kitchen faucet, and I was checking the kids' homework progress (or lack there of in some cases). Trudging up the stairs to check her work for the umpteenth time, I hoped for better news than before. Wondering why her work was so slow in coming forth, I asked why. She'd been texting instead of completing homework. NICE.
The remorse only came when I held my hand out for the phone. No words were needed. She knew. I knew. Knowing doesn't really help. Not unless you make a choice to back up the knowledge will change happen. As she walked away her phone screen illuminated with notification of a new text. Wondering, I slid it open and looked at the incoming message. This was our deal when she received the phone. Without warning, peering at texts and phone records by parents was a way we thought would help to ensure innocence would not be lost. Pfffts. Right.
The message was nasty. Filled with written words of filth and hurt. Gulping down the fear rising into my throat I selected the option to read her outgoing messages. These messages were doubly hurtful, nasty and full of four-letter-fowl-words. I must have selected the wrong folder. n.o.p.e.
Reality is an interesting concept. My reality will look, smell and taste different from your reality. My past memories and hurts as well as my joys will influence my perception of my reality. Yet, there still are high and poor quality choices to be made regardless of perceived reality. Truth is there. Waiting. Though sometimes truth slaps you upside your head and kicks you in the pants, it is necessary. This was not what I had planned for my reality that night.
So, I stood, bracing myself with the frame of my bathroom door jam. Reeling from the reek of the stench that had poured out of her. Through her fingertips. I began to see double, yet the tears stayed held.My tears needed to wait. There was a mission to be completed - questions to be answered. Maybe there was a reasonable explanation for this. I bet she fell during PE today. That's got to be it. She's fighting a concussion. She answered the questions I presented in an emotionless, forthright and professional manner. No apologies. No remorse. No....what? Reason or recognition. She was found guilty and she didn't seem to care. I walked out of her room, helpless and broken. The words exchanged were not tense. Nor were they elevated. We had both been calm. As I descended the stairs a realization hit me.
I was disappointed. In my daughter. The baby I dreamed and planned for. The toddler I instructed who's sparkling eyes held me in such esteem. The little girl who was sure she'd marry her daddy one day and broke her arm falling from a slide when she was five. Who over corrected her brothers and "policed" the house constantly. Those issues seemed very diminished compared to the current information. I prayed. Ben and I talked. We prayed. We cursed and pointed fingers at oursleves. In the end, there was still a confused girl waiting in her room. Waiting for the worst. Waiting to hear that we disapproved, that I was disappointed. That she was.not.worth.it.
I found myself walking back to her room an hour later. Instead of condemning her poor choice, I told her a story. The princess in the white dress story. She messed up her pretty dress and tried to fix it herself, but that just made the problem worse. She needed help. She needed love. She needed hope. She needed, redemption.
Really, this is what we all need, what we all CRAVE. We need hope. We need help. We need redemption. We were not meant to figure this life out on our own. To wash our used-to-be-pretty-white clothes takes more than one.
She knew better. She made a poor choice, and it didn't taste good deep down. She began to cry. Yes, there were consequences for her poor choices, but changes are evident. In the time since then disrespect has risen again and again. We have been learning how to deal with this new stage and we are all working together better than ever now. Today she is more dear to me that she was previous to this event. She has grown.....so have I. Who knew? ;-)
The road is bumpy and long sometimes. But we often fail to take a moment, pause, look behind us and see the beautiful vista. That really does make the, sometimes, vomits journey worth the pain and broken hearts.
The remorse only came when I held my hand out for the phone. No words were needed. She knew. I knew. Knowing doesn't really help. Not unless you make a choice to back up the knowledge will change happen. As she walked away her phone screen illuminated with notification of a new text. Wondering, I slid it open and looked at the incoming message. This was our deal when she received the phone. Without warning, peering at texts and phone records by parents was a way we thought would help to ensure innocence would not be lost. Pfffts. Right.
The message was nasty. Filled with written words of filth and hurt. Gulping down the fear rising into my throat I selected the option to read her outgoing messages. These messages were doubly hurtful, nasty and full of four-letter-fowl-words. I must have selected the wrong folder. n.o.p.e.
Reality is an interesting concept. My reality will look, smell and taste different from your reality. My past memories and hurts as well as my joys will influence my perception of my reality. Yet, there still are high and poor quality choices to be made regardless of perceived reality. Truth is there. Waiting. Though sometimes truth slaps you upside your head and kicks you in the pants, it is necessary. This was not what I had planned for my reality that night.
So, I stood, bracing myself with the frame of my bathroom door jam. Reeling from the reek of the stench that had poured out of her. Through her fingertips. I began to see double, yet the tears stayed held.My tears needed to wait. There was a mission to be completed - questions to be answered. Maybe there was a reasonable explanation for this. I bet she fell during PE today. That's got to be it. She's fighting a concussion. She answered the questions I presented in an emotionless, forthright and professional manner. No apologies. No remorse. No....what? Reason or recognition. She was found guilty and she didn't seem to care. I walked out of her room, helpless and broken. The words exchanged were not tense. Nor were they elevated. We had both been calm. As I descended the stairs a realization hit me.
I was disappointed. In my daughter. The baby I dreamed and planned for. The toddler I instructed who's sparkling eyes held me in such esteem. The little girl who was sure she'd marry her daddy one day and broke her arm falling from a slide when she was five. Who over corrected her brothers and "policed" the house constantly. Those issues seemed very diminished compared to the current information. I prayed. Ben and I talked. We prayed. We cursed and pointed fingers at oursleves. In the end, there was still a confused girl waiting in her room. Waiting for the worst. Waiting to hear that we disapproved, that I was disappointed. That she was.not.worth.it.
I found myself walking back to her room an hour later. Instead of condemning her poor choice, I told her a story. The princess in the white dress story. She messed up her pretty dress and tried to fix it herself, but that just made the problem worse. She needed help. She needed love. She needed hope. She needed, redemption.
Really, this is what we all need, what we all CRAVE. We need hope. We need help. We need redemption. We were not meant to figure this life out on our own. To wash our used-to-be-pretty-white clothes takes more than one.
She knew better. She made a poor choice, and it didn't taste good deep down. She began to cry. Yes, there were consequences for her poor choices, but changes are evident. In the time since then disrespect has risen again and again. We have been learning how to deal with this new stage and we are all working together better than ever now. Today she is more dear to me that she was previous to this event. She has grown.....so have I. Who knew? ;-)
The road is bumpy and long sometimes. But we often fail to take a moment, pause, look behind us and see the beautiful vista. That really does make the, sometimes, vomits journey worth the pain and broken hearts.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: REJOICE! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything....." Philippians 4:4:6a
Thursday, December 29, 2011
But, I don't want this to end
This break has been a sweet breeze in our lives. Some of the kids were not able to purchase items for their siblings or Ben and I. I encouraged them to make coupons as gifts. When the first one was opened I cried. There was thought and caring put into the act. It was priceless. Here is an example of one such coupon:
My favorite gift was one made. Ben and the kids wrote words of encouragement and love on a coffee mug. I have used it everyday since!
One of the kids "group" gift from Ben and I was a new Connect Four game. Since both Ben and I had Monday off we decided to make it a championship out of it; a Connect Four championship with leader board, tee-shirt and all.
I was undefeated. Then I played my second game with Ben (second place) and I LOST. That shirt should'da been MINE. Next time. It will be. =)
The kids also received the game Twister. WHAT A BLAST! This was the first night of Twister glory.
(it reads: This cupon is good for 10 minutes of Putting makup on me.
To esther from Sam
P.S. not on Christmas!)
My favorite gift was one made. Ben and the kids wrote words of encouragement and love on a coffee mug. I have used it everyday since!
One of the kids "group" gift from Ben and I was a new Connect Four game. Since both Ben and I had Monday off we decided to make it a championship out of it; a Connect Four championship with leader board, tee-shirt and all.
I was undefeated. Then I played my second game with Ben (second place) and I LOST. That shirt should'da been MINE. Next time. It will be. =)
This was the fourth photo I took. Shack that up to a learning curve with the new camera. This would be the "gosh Babe. Didn't you take enough pictures" look.
Thank you GOD for times of fun and memories. What a joy!
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