The two oldest ride the bus home from school. My heart was ever watchfull and attentive that very first ride. I thought I was going to stretch out of my skin to grab and hold them close! And when Sam (6th grade, 11yo) rode the wrong bus route....for 6 minutes I couldn't breathe. I wanted to do something, but was unable. If you are a parent and you've lost sight of your kid, even for a moment, you know that feeling. It is that despite, gnawing, yearning, passionate desire to....protect. To conquer the evil that you know is lurking. And you thought this was about a bus ride. It is. This bus mishap brought about all these emotions and thoughts. What if he, not only got on the wrong bus, but then got off at a stop on that wrong route? Did he tell the driver his plight? I wish he had his own phone. Maybe he's still at school. I love that annoying boy. I WANT HIM HOME. Needless to say, we all had a talk about how to handle these types of situations. My lesson was: even though they are older and more mature....my heart doesn't recognize that fact. My heart will always break, swoon and yearn for them. For their best. For their well being.
The next bit of evidence is their verbiage. The words they use and how they use them. "Mom, was this (item....movie, car, article of clothing) made in your time?". Them instructing ME how to preform certain household tasks or culinary procedures. Sheesh.
I know I am working myself out of this parenting job, and I accept that. The thing that has been unexpected is the heart ache. The turmoil of soul that training and raising this Quartet has brought is not something anyone could have prepared me for. My only hope is that I am the mother they need. That this teacher I am will give them all the tools and training they need to cultivate a love for learning and a love for God. I never knew this order was so tall.....may God help me.
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| Esther. 12yo. 7th grade. |
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| Samuel. 11yo. 6th grade. |
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| L-Joey and Zach. 9yo. 4th grade. |
