No, not the edible sort. This sort of dessert is better. You cannot make it in a pan or pot, but your heart.
As I wrote earlier this month, Ben and I had conferences with all the kids' teachers. Some information we received opened the door for some great conversations.
Es (She approved of my posting this) had received a below passing grade on her vocab. test. I was shocked and she was discouraged. (She was able to re-take it and her grade improved) On the car ride from the teacher meeting we talked about the purpose of grades. (This conversation took place about 3 wks ago) "When you receive a good grade, does that mean that you always obey or that you are never mean to your brothers?" and along the same lines "When you get a bad grade does that mean that you never obey and that you yell at your mother?" Grades just show us what we learned or didn't learn. Where we are doing awesome and where we may need to work harder. In that light, she felt better. Then......
last week she was having a respect-your-mother issue, which we do not allow, and took time to train and work on it. But every day, after school, it seemed we would have the same problem. She and I arguing. Both of us getting frustrated and school work becoming even more of a problem. And then.......
this week she has a project due and we needed to work on it.....together. I was not entirely excited but (thanks to the sermon at Church this past Sun.) positive. I knew I would keep my cool. While we were working I learned that Essy didn't have confidence in herself and she thought we didn't either. The words she was using in reference to herself were negative and down trodden. My heart broke. She was listening to lies instead of the Truth.
"What have I done God? How could I have screwed her up so badly." There is nothing like an honest word from your own child to wake you up. No, I wasn't speaking terrible words to her, but I also wasn't speaking the awesome words enough. Yes, I had not done things perfectly, yet again, even though I tried. But life, and really God, isn't all about perfection. It's, and He's, about messing up and learning to fixing it or asking for help when I just can't do it alone.
Tears stung my eyes as I took her face gently in my hands and spoke to her heart. I believe in you. I love you. You can do it. You're smart. I'll help you. Lets pray. I even had her repeat, out loud, some positive things about herself.
It took nearly everything I had in me not to cry. Though I am crying as I write.
Things didn't improve immediately, but she was defiantly looking on the bright side. She asked what that meant. I said "It's like looking at frosting instead of a dooky diaper".
Later on, as I was fixing dinner, I heard her encouraging her brothers (they were instructed to clean the room they messed up and having attitude issues....uggg) "You just need to look at the dessert instead of the poppy diaper......." She then proceeded to say positive things about them and told them to do the same. You can do it. I believe in you. You're the best.
Yummmm. Heavenly Dessert. My heart is full.
3 comments:
Now you've made ME cry! What an amazing, touching message. I haven't gone through that with Maddie yet, but I remember it clearly in my own childhood. I hated math and would give up instantly out of frustration. It took getting up at 5:30am with my Dad and practicing for an hour a day before school for months before I developed some confidence. I still get anxiety when it comes to math, but I got all the way to pre-calculus in high school! Learning something new is rarely easy, but the rewards pay off in the end (like exercising...ugh!). That's what's so great about saving kids' schoolwork samples--she can look back at the end of the term/year and see all the progress she's made with you and Ben by her side! Keep up the hard work! Love you. :-)
Desserts like this are the best kind! Thanks for sharing your heart! Love you, Mom : )
Ahhh. Cherish these moments Katy. They are truly from heaven.
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