I was itching to write today (I began the beginning of June and finished today). Of all of my classes I miss my writing classes the most. I purposed today to take time and let my mind be creative.
As I sit and type I can hear the fridge humming, smell my coffee and feel the solitude and peace.
Ben took the kids on a fishing outing today. The house is quiet. This is the prefect time for my thoughts to express themselves.
Mothers
Mothers are curious beings. In all my life I have never found a more profound or confusing creature. They strive for excellence and push themselves to the limit for their offspring. They cheer at games, argue about homework and complete the household tasks that the more faint of heart would not touch for a million dollars. It seems that the best Mom's are all the more contradicting. They educate and encourage their kids to greatness. How can this be a contradiction? Well, after all that encouragement, cheering and challenging, when the kid accomplishes the strove for task, you will find the Mother crying. Tears of joy none-the-less, but still tears. I did not know how very much they were this way until I joined the group called Mothers.
Before Ben and I married our plans were set. We would wait to begin having children until we had been married three years. There were many reasons for this decision. They were good, valid, and wise reasons. Due to this we were amazed to discover that I was pregnant a mere 3 months post wedding. I was on the pill and hadn't missed a dose in two months. I had just turned 20. I was a new bride, and I was pregnant. Our life was not happening according to our plan. The first lesson of motherhood was underway.
Esther was born after 38 hours of mind numbing labor. This family unit we created was what I had dreamed about since childhood. Ben worked hard at his job to enable me to stay home. As an accomplished baby sitter and nanny not much of infant/child care was a surprise to me. I loved caring for my baby. Sam was added to the family 12.5 months after Esther. A new normal was created. Then when Zach and Joe came we sort of "hunkered down", made our house in the 'couve home base, and barely survived. I have nothing but fond memories of those days, yet I really don't ever want to live through that again. Not even for a visit.
I'm sure you've read or heard that of all the family years the young family years are the most physically demanding. I can attest that fact was true for us. Between cutting teeth, potty training, emotional training, world view, loosing teeth and tutoring one barely has time to breathe. No wonder parents have a rough time scheduling their own play dates with friends their age, or arranging their own hair to be styled. Yet, we celebrated with every new tooth. Every nap that they awoke dry we partied. I would strive for the prize of teaching them accomplishment and when it was reached I chocked back tears. "This is what we've worked so hard for" I would think. But as she rode away without her training wheels I saw her driving to college and cried.
I was chatting with a friend recently. She described our family as out of the surviving young family stage and into the settling down and in it for the long haul older family stage. She nailed it. I hadn't even realized we'd passed to the other side. Our discussions have bled from simplistic call and response to call, understand, teach, and respond, and then ask again. My kids do NOT want pat answers. They are thinkers. They are emotional and spiritual scientists. I am doing my darnedest to pray and give them guidance.
With this current stage I have found that the mile stones are becoming more structured. They are now looking forward to driving, dating, and defining careers. In this phase the accomplishments are more official, but still just as heartbreaking for me. The last symphony concert. The last day at elementary school. And then the FIRST day of middle school. That first bus ride alone. *sniff*
I guess I really haven't changed much since they were tots. I still cry during a first or last. I still crave a cuddle. The thing that has changed is that they are becoming who they will be. What a privilege for me to watch them become....them. Uh oh. I feel the tears coming.....
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all." Philippians 4:4+5